It all started many years ago. When I decided to move out of my homeland in search of greener pastures. It was way back in June 1997 when I left the Philippines. With the promise to myself that I would be back after one year. After almost three decades, now, I slowly start the preparation for my promise to myself – the long delayed journey back home.
I never thought it would be difficult. Heck, I really did not think much about it at all.
Until now, it seems like everything that I had to go through when I moved to Europe, I have to reverse. I left to find a better future. I did in one way or another succeeded. I could establish my life here in Germany. I, like many others had to go through all the discrimination, stereotype and all the craziness that Filipinos experienced from their countrymen. Sadly, yes. The Filipino mentality of ingit( jealousy), yabang (bragging), and the never ending “keeping up with the next Juan/Concha attitude.
With much effort, I am glad to say that I survived. My world became smaller in exchange for peace and content. I learned how to live without having to please others. I strived to work hard and develop myself without stepping on others. I got ridiculed for being Eurotrash- simply because my husband is 12 years my senior. But despite of it all, I prevailed.
I concentrated on working my way up at work. I struggled. I sacrificed everything that was left of my youth and productive years knowing full well that I will someday soon enjoy the fruits of my hard labor.
That someday is somewhat getting nearer now. Parang, isang abot-kamay na lang. Or, ilang tulog na lang.
But now that it is getting nearer, I sometimes feel like I am walking on thin ice.