It’s not working out anymore
Through the years of ups and downs
Hot and cold and a mixture of in-betweens
Sometimes true joy and proud success we did share
Alas! its not enough to last another decade of our years!
Day five: Fated, we are not!
Author Archives: Hannah
Birthday blues…
My birthday is coming up…
I’m turning a page over…
I will.
I’m claiming the key to fulfill my dream.
In this process, I am also building my faith and confidence in my Savior again.
A decision that I made some 3 decades ago—
I do believe that everything is possible with God.
And I thank God for His Love, Guidance, and Faithfulness…
And I thank Him for his continued blessings in my life.
I thank God for LIFE!
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A month filled with questions and uncertainty
How long has it been? … It does feel like forever.
Is it already the “Peak” or is it the “Peter’s Plateau”?
We’ll, it can be called following the “Peter’s Principle”…
…. but it may also be called following the “Dilbert’s Principle”…
I can only wait and wait and wait!!!
Or move on…. On to where???
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A lame excuse for shopping
A guest came up to the counter one day with a very upset face.
I could tell, by his reply to my greetings that; from the queuing up at check in, to slugging his luggage to the customs counter and then finally ending up at my counter to claim his VAT back, he was already thinking he won’t do it again next time.Not to mention – getting embarrassed because at the customs counter, he had to open his luggage where the purchased items where mixed with his worn clothing and other private stuff.
To my greeting, he replied with:
“Hmmmp! Why do women love to shop? Why do they shop too much?”
My immediate reply caught his attention:
“Speaking for myself, I believe that shopping is some kind of “Therapy”. “Retail theraphy” makes women happy, their loved ones, in this case, you the husband, even happier—with a *wink*! And the good news is: You get to claim the VAT back.”
Sir, do you know what HHWW means?
He replied: “No. What’s that?”
It means: Holding Hands while Walking. So if someone says to you, i saw them at the park or at the mall doing HHWW… *wink* that’s what it means. Nothing bad, just sweetness!
Now, how about SSHW?
“Ahmm.. I guess i have no clue”, was his reply.
Shopping, makes us Super Happy makes us Work again eagerly.
The wife goes Shopping…(S)
After shopping, she is happy… consecutively you are also happy.
So now the both of you are “Super Happy”…. (SH)
YOU are a businessman? You came here for business and pleasure combined?
He relied again: “Yes, yes, that’s correct”
OK. So, to complete the anagram and the cycle, you as businessman must make this experience again to your advantage… The only Work (W) left to be done is to get back some money from the shopping done by the wifey! – hehehe.”
To make a long story short, my guest who was on the verge of exploding, left the counter with a jolly goodbye and a smile on his face.
I am positive, the next time he would visit another country, he would inquire again on how to go about claiming the VAT back on his expenditures. With or without the a female companion tagging along.
Reflecting on his statement: “Why women love to shop” – for me it really is some sort of therapy. It doesn’t necessarily have top be shopping per se. It could also be, just window shopping. Kind of a “go-see” what’s new, what’s in, what is trending and how much it may cost. Of course, to be able to try them on and see if what looks good on others, would also look good on me, is a bonus.
People can also browse and shop online, I know… but to try it on immediately and not having to wait several days later… that is something one can only do by going to the shop/malls personally.
I mean -Shopping a my therapy. If I am feeling down today, I want to cure myself today.. not halfway today and again a few days later. I would rather prefer to do lift my spirits up today! You get me?! *wink*
Shopping gives me motivation and courage.
When I shop, it gives me a push in the positive direction. It gives me the energy to face struggles when I am at a crossroad. It even helps me come up with new ideas.
Shopping makes me happy
It reminds me of the people I love, my family, my friends because when I shop, I don’t only think of buying for myself, but also for my love ones.
Shopping makes me feel sexy.
Hormones go wild when I enter my favorite store and finding new articles that are IN at the moment. Shopping for me is also some kind stimulant. A drug or some kind of foreplay-if you may want to call it at that.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not addicted to shopping. I DO shop till I drop sometimes – or till my CC can’t handle it anymore… whichever comes first! But I don’t splurge… NOT ALWAYS!
How about you? What’s your excuse for shopping?
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Bitter-sweet life
Life is sweet… but life’s experiences are also sometimes hard, sad and bitter.
But in all those times that we go through these, it is also when we learn the most!!!
It’s the sweet returns that we should enjoy…with time!
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Umaga na naman…
Umaga na.
Lumipas ang buong mag damag.
Ang mundong madilim, sa kadiliman nito may iba’t-ibang bagay na nangyayari sa buhay ng tao.
May nagjng masaya, nag ingay, nag trabaho at mayroon din naman na tulog lamang.
Ipinikit ang kanilang mga mata sa dilim, sinabayan ang pagta takip silim – ang mahiwagang kadiliman.
Kadiliman na hindi na pipigilan… kusa at pilit itong nag babalik sa bawat araw na duma daan.
Hanggang sa pag babalik muli ng kaliwanagan – sa pag taas muli ng araw sa Silangan.
Umaga na naman.
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Tadhana…
“Ang hindi lumingon sa pinang galingan ay hindi maka-rarating sa paro-roonan…”(Dr. Jose Rizal)
Bakit kailangan lumingon pa? Hindi kaya ito pa ang makaka hadlang sa pag sulong ng kabuhayan?
Hindi ba pwedeng mag sumikap na lang para makarating sa pupuntahan?
Hindi ba pwedeng ang disiplina nalang ang dahilan para makarating sa patutungohan?
Umiikot ang buhay ng tao na parang gulong.
Ang pinagda daanan na tahak ay iba-iba.
Minsan, malubak, minsan mabato, minsan naman lubog sa tubig o kaya naman ay ma putik. Ngunit, dahil hindi ito huminto sa pag gulong, sa katagalan ay nakakarating din naman sa maganda at sementadong daan. Pero tulad ng bilog na mundo at bilog na gulong, pwede din namang sa hindi katagalan ay dumaan na naman ang gulong sa mabato, maputik at malubak na daanan.
Importante, ang mag sumikap na makabalik ulit sa sementado at tuwid na daan.
Sa istorya ng buhay ko, dinala ako ng ihip ng hangin dito sa kina lalagayan ko ngayon. Lumipad sa himpa-pawid ang eroplanong sakay ako mula sa Pilipinas papuntang Europa. Nakarating ako dito na ang baon lamang ay pangarap at tatag ng kalooban.
Pangarap na ta-tanggapin ako ng maayos ng banyagang mundong aking pupuntahan. Pangarap na maka kuha o makahanap ng marangal na trabaho. Pangarap na maka tulong sa pamilya ko na magkaroon ng maayos na buhay. Pangarap na mapaayos ko din ang aking sariling buhay. Isang ma habang biyahe na karga ang napaka raming pangarap at ang tanging sandata ay ang katatagan ng aking kalooban. Buo ang paniniwalang makakamit ko din ang aking mga inaasam.
Subalit, kaagapay ko din sa biyahe kong ito ang aking nakaraan.
Na karaan na pilit kong iwanan. Balak kong kalimutan, talikuran at hinding-hindi na muling ba-balikan.
Ngunit ang tadhana na mismo ang nag takda.
Ang nakaraan ko ay katanungan ng nasa itaas. Ang aking kasagutan magsi silbing pisi ng tadhana ng buhay ko.
Ang mga susunod na udyok ng damdamin at hakbang ng aking mga paa ang magi-ging takbo ng gulong ng aking Kinabukasan.
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My first snowfall… this year!
Remembering life in the Philippines: Sentiments triggered by the fresh snow powder that I woke up to this morning.
Mahirap na talaga baguhin ang mga bagay bagay na kina lakihan ng isang tao. Ika nga – “old habits die hard!”
Noong nasa Pilipinas pa ako, sa probinsiya at pati na rin sa Maynila, natu-tulog akong bukas ang bintana. Masarap kasing matulog na may preskong hangin na dumadaloy sa loob ng kuwarto. *Echos*…, wala lang kaming aircon noon at dahil mainit ang klima sa Pilipinas, isa sa mga magagandang alaala ko noong akoy bata pa, ang bentilador or electric fan! Sa sala, sa kuwarto pati na din sa hapag kainan dapat merong bentilador. Sa kuwarto, nakasanayan naming matulog na bukas/umaandar sa buong mag damaga ang bentilador.
Lumaki ako sa isang extended family environment. Ibig sabihin, bukod sa magka-kapatid, kasama din namin sa bahay ang mga pinsan, mga tito at mga tita. Madalas, kung nagpapang abot ang buong pamilya, ay siksikan kaming mga magpi-pinsan at magka- kapatid ko sa isang kuwarto. Parang kaming mga isdang kinilaw – na babad sa pawis dahil dikit dikit kami sa higaan. (Kinilaw -Filipino fish receipe wherein fish is washed several times with vinegar and prepared as salad with plenty of red onion, spring onion, calamansi, chili and tomato.) – I digress!
Going back to the bentilador (electric fan) story: Madalas, ang ikot ng bentilador ay hindi na umaabot sa pwesto ko. Kaya, ini-iwan naming bukas ang bintana sa gabi pag natutulog para kahit pa paano ay may hangin na dumaloy sa loob ng kwarto.
Here in Europe, I sleep with my windows kipped. I don’t even turn on the heating in my bedroom. I used to before, but then I noticed that I would wake up with a headache whenever the heating is left on all night. I tried sleeping with windows wide open one Summer night (since i also don’t have a cooling system, just like when I was in the Philippines.. old habits die hard!! *wink* ). I did it again in Autumn, just to be sure … finally, when Winter came, I did the same. Voilà… ever since, I always wake up refreshed and headache free. Salamat sa karanasan, natutunan kong iakma ang aking sarili sa maraming bagay-pati na rin sa buhay at klima dito sa Alemanya.
Today, I woke
up to a powder white covered window edges.*yeheyyy— snow is back!”
It is my first snow fall this year… quickly, I searched for my Goblin and grab his sword!!! (oh, I just realized that bit sounded kinky, *wink*)…
I meant
, I quickly went to the next room, to get my camera to take a picture of … the neighbor’s backyard… hahaha! I live on the second floor, hence the backyard does not belong to my rented area. But It’s a free country, so I can take pictures without having to pay for the piece of land, mow the lawn and plant flowers to maintain it. “lol”.
The grand part of it is, looking forward to spring and summer, I can also use the lawn on a hot day, if I need to.. just to relax or grill some good meat at dusk. Otherwise, I just use my terrace, which is also not bad.
Today, on a cold snnowy wintzer 🙂 day, I just enjoy the view from my second floor window… with freshly brewed coffee and some pleasant thoughts in my mind… I am happy!
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Bagong Taon.. bagong Bukas
**Pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon?**
Paulit-ulit sa isip ko ang kanta na ito…
Tugma naman, sa pagpa- palit ng taon.
Ang mga taon na lumilipas,
Ang mga kahapon na biglang naging bukas…
Ito ay parang mga alon sa dagat,
Duma dayo sa dalamapsigan at bumabalik din sa kalawakan!
Ang Bukas naman ay darating at hindi natin ito mapi-pigilan!
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Sa trabaho ko…
Sa trabaho ko, usapan between me and my Filipino Guest (“guest”– not passenger and not customer.)
Standard na sa akin na sa bawat tanong meron na akong parang naka handang kasagutan. Yung sinasabi ko at yung sagot ko sa utak ko. Yes… minsan may pagka obnoxious ako… pasensiya po! Sa isip ko lang, either talagang interested ang tao o gusto lang maging polite para hindi ko isispin na “snobs” sila…I don’t really care! Actually trabaho lang po ito. Either i am really happy at magaan ang loob ko sa Pinoy guest ko or I don’t really mind and just do my usual routine.
Ang problema, para sa akin kasi, pagsasayang ng oras ang small talk na ganito ang takbo…. hehehe.
Pinoy guest: san ka dito nakatira?
Me: malapit po sa Frankfurt (answer in mind: ahhmm, sa China? hello nasa Frankfurt tayo!)
Pinoy guest: matagal ka na dito sa Europa?
Me: hindi naman po masyado… (mga 2 dekada… interesado ka nga ba talaga?)
Pinoy guest: san ka nagta trabaho?
Me: ahhhmmm… (guest kaya kita sa trabaho ko? tanungin pa ba??)
Pinoy guest: may asawa ka? Ilan ang mga anak mo?
Me: opo… wala po.
tapos…
Pinoy guest: ahhh… so matagal ka na pala dito???
Me: taas kilay , nanlaki mata at napa nga-nga– …like… huh?? anyare?
Ok, inaamin ko passive naman kasi ang mga sagot ko sa mga tanong niya, kasi medyo obvious naman talaga.
Kala ko nga medyo stating facts nalang siya at hindi na asking question, hahaha!
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I am Seven…
I have to go to work early today. And since midnight I have been in front of my PC just vegetating.
I couldn’t sleep last night. After watching 2 episodes of my current KD favorite, I laid in bed tossing and turning. Sleep was eluding me. Hence, I got up instead and decided to update my blog. Topic??? Hmmm… it seems to be a hard task for me to express my thoughts and feelings through my blog nowadays. That’s why, my little space in the web has just been gathering dust and spider’s webs for a long time now. No excuses… my muse just abandoned me!
Anyways, as I sat like a “blue straw hat” on my head… the thought came to me. I wondered what time of day I was born or perhaps what time in the night?
Looking it up through some documents that I meticulously kept with me since I migrated to Europe, I found out that I was born on a Monday and it was the 297th day of that year at 09:30 hour in the morning. That is a little over 4 decades in counting. If I were born at night, I would have been born under the “Waning Gibbous Moon” – which is the first phase after the full moon. Interestingly, “an individual born under the Waning Gibbous Moon often seems wise beyond their years, with an enhanced ability to parse their experiences and learn from them. This tendency also makes them particularly good teachers and communicators”.
“Born under the Waning Gibbous Moon, you may be driven by the desire to understand and explain – but also need to learn to be more accepting of the fact that not all people have the desire to listen, and that doesn’t necessarily make them inferior to you – it could be that they already have a deeper or different understanding of the topic. Or perhaps it’s simply not the right time. Other people may find you frustrating if you lecture them and talk down to them in a patronizing way. No matter how good your intentions are, you can come off as arrogant and condescending, like you’re always placing yourself in a position of superiority. Learning when to talk, and when to let others talk, is the core challenge that you have to overcome on the path to self-actualization.”
Luckily, I was born on a morning. The qualities of someone born under a waning Gibbous moon is somewhat not my to my liking…
Browsing further, I read that qualities and criterion follows a Life path number Principle.
Following my birthday numbers, I found out that my Life Path number is 7 https://seventhlifepath.com/ whereas per Chinese numerology I belong to Group 5. This life path number is supposedly representing analysis, awareness and understanding. I am, according to this direction a searcher and the seeker of the truth.
To quote: “Sevens have an air of mystery and do not want you to know who they are. Intellectual, analytical, intuitive, reserved, natural inclination towards spiritual subjects, aloof, loner, pessimistic, secretive, and insecure; are some of the qualities of those born into the Seventh Life path. A person who has a Life Path 7 is a thinker. If your Life Path is a 7 you are wise and studious. You seek truth and wisdom in all that you do, and search for the underlying answers in everything. Your tendency is to be a perfectionist, and you expect the same from those around you. But Sevens can be a loner too. They need to learn to have faith, otherwise they tend to become very cynical and their means of escape would be though drugs, alcohol, work and geography- to escape as far away as possible physically. Their love for natural beauty: ocean, green grass, plants, flowers etc., help them to escape unpleasantness that they cannot handle.” (https://www.goldennumber.com.sg/life-path-number-7)
Read more here.
According to some website that I visited, I have an affectionate and very spiritual personality. I am a romantic at heart and somehow, also tend to be mysterious. In relationships, I am very demanding and I prefer to keep it private. I love my siblings, my family. Furthermore, I tend to expect a certain high level of loyalty from friends.
Following the life path number analysis and those that are mentioned on other sources, the description of my personality is very somehow (except for the intellectual and analytical part), right on target!
Opal is named to be my modern birthstone while Jasper is my mystical birth stone according to the Tibetan origin of ideas. In this line, my zodiac gemstone is known to be Chrysolite. And the birthday stone for the day, a Monday, is Pearl.
What I really do find amazing is the fact that these mentioned stones composes my very own collection of personal ornaments. Bracelets, earrings and necklaces… including stone collections from places that I have visited in the past. I have been doing this long before I found out that these precious stones are connected to my personal preferences based on my birth date.
So, there you go. That’s me.
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Martial Law in Mindanao
History is indeed repeating itself!
Way back in 1971, Marcos put the Philippines under the Military regime-governed by of course The Marcos’s and their cronies.
Way back then and for some years it was a grueling fight for democracy and human rights of the people against the people who were in power.
Way back then I can only recall the salvages, the deaths and disappearances of public workers and journalists and anybody who declared that they were against the family leading the country.
It was a dark and scary world then. Until the time that the Philippines was freed from the grasps of those ogres in Power.. and started living a democracy led Government for the people and by the people.
But, like all other good things in life, it never lasts for very long.
Last May 23, 2017 Martial was declared in Mindanao. A few days after that, the current president was already saying over media that the situation might not be isolated in Mindanao and that it may be that not long after, he will have to declare the whole Nation under the military governance.
Yesterday a reported bombing incident in Manila was then declared as another terrorist attack. Luckily, it was not bought by the media and the people. It was, in the end declared as “a private individual’s resort to personal problems”. Not like as claimed earlier that it was a terrorist attack by ISIS.
It’s been quiet for some time now. Martial Law in Mindanao is planned to last last 60 days. Hopefully!
Every one, let’s be vigilant. Let’s pray that the situation in Mindanao will not worsen. Let’s hope and hang on to democracy for our beloved country, the Philippines.
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My Lola, Angustia Bendijo-Zamora (1922-2017)
If I were to write an essay about the person I admire most, I would have to write about my Lola…since, next to my mom, of course, I admire my Lola the most.
I just want to write down my thoughts during and feelings during Mamang’ s last days with us here on earth. It was a long and fulfilled life for her, I hope… no- I believe! Shame that she left us before our plans for a Grand reunion this year in celebration of her 95 years on earth came to.
My Lola was born in November 12, 1922 – before WWII broke out. She was with us for 94 years and some months. She lived a very fulfilling life with her children, grand-children and great-grand children.
Her dad, Mr. Gaudencio Bendijo was the second Mayor of Dipolog City. Her mom, Mrs. Antonina Zorilla was a simple housewife.
She was the eldest among three girls: Angustia, Rebecca and Delia.
She bore 10 children of which were:
5 Boys: Czarito “Boy”, Raul “Nonon”(deceased), Reinaldo “Bebe”(deceased), Augustus “Dodoy” and Virgilio “Lodz”.
5 Girls: O’Lola “Inday”, Marilyn “Tata”, Fe “Pet-pet”, Marietta “Etta” and Naomi “Berns”.
Two sons passed away before her, Nonon and Bebe.
Out of the 10 children, she enjoyed and loved her grandchildren- me included in the pack of 30.
She also got to enjoy and be with her great-grandchildren – roundabout 28 of them.
Since her husband Papang Cesar Zamora, passed away sometime in the 1980’s, Mamang raised all of her children alone.
She went to work when working mothers were still a scarcity. She sent her children to school and she helped raised her grandchildren without batting an eyelid. Hence, most of us grandchildren are “laki sa Lola”.
Sa lahat ng pinag daanan ng buong familia, nanatiling matatag si Mamang para sa mga anak niya. Ulan, bagyo, brownout, lindol at pati na din mga sakuna sa buhay ng mga anak niya, lahat yun…magka- kasama nilang nalampasan.
Isa ako sa mga apo na lumaki sa piling ni Mamang. Kay Mamang ko nakuha ang hilig sa mga libro at pagba basa. Naalala ko noon, nag sa-swap kami ng mga librong binabasa. Pati na din hilig sa mga Women’s journals na noon linggo-linggo namin binibili. Pag natapos na namin lahat basahin, inuutusan niya kami ng mga kapatid ko pumunta sa bookstore para bumili pa ng mga libro. Tini-ra namin mula sa War and Peace ni Leo Tolstoi, Anna Karenina, Jane Austen at pati na rin ang mga short romances nila Emilyo Bukog (Mills and Boon) hindi namin pinatawad. Ang mag solve ng crossword puzzle and word searches ay masugid din naming gawing libangan. Pero, bawal kaming mag basa ng komiks o makinig sa mga drama sa radyo.
Bukod sa pagbabasa, sa kanya ko natutunan ang mahalin at alagaan ang aking mga kapatid. Ang loyalty sa familya at ang tumulong sa kapwa, hangga’t sa maka-kaya. Hindi po ibig sabihin nito ay hindi ito itinuro ng sariling kong mga magulang sa akin. Noon po kasi, ang mommy at daddy ko ay nagta-trabaho sa Maynila at sa kalaunan ay sa ibang bansa. Kaya naiwan ako at ang aking mga kapatid kay Mamang.
Dalawang bagay ang pinag sisihan ko na hindi ko sinunod sa mga tinuro niya noong ako ay nag aaral pa. Ang pagluluto ng mga putahen Filipino at ang pag aaralan ang salitang Espanyol.
Pero sa lahat ng ibang bagay tulad ng respeto at pagmamahal sa pamilya, ang hindi pag gawa ng ika-sasama ng ibang tao, ang hindi pag susugal, ang hindi pag labas ng bahay kung hindi presentable-ilan lang sa mga pinangaral niya…lahat yan at iba pa, ay mananatili sa akin hanggang sa aking pag tanda.
`Mang, ma mi miss ko ang bonding natin sa beauty parlor-facial, manicure etc. Ma miss ko ang ma upo sa sofa, habang naka siksik kaming lahat sa gilid mo. Ma miss ko ang pag kanta mo ng „mocking bird hill and que sera-sera“ while tapping your fingers along the tempo. Ma miss ko ang iyong mga matatamis na ngiti. Mami-miss ko yung pag pina-pagalitan mo ako in English. Yap, si mamang kasi hindi nagmumura in tagalog or in bisaya… Pag galit siya, English po o kaya Espanyol ang gamit niyang salita.
Kaya, `Mang, iniwan mo man kami sa mundong ito, mananatili ka naman sa isip at puso namin. Ang lahat ng pangaral mo ay ipapasa din namin sa mga anak, pamangkin at apo.
Mang, nagpapasalamat po ako sa lahat ng sakripisyong ginawa mo. Sa pag aaruga at pag kalinga mo sa amin. Sa lahat ng pangaral at pag di disiplina mo. Matagal kang nagging haligi sa buhay namin.
Ang wish ko lang po, sana hindi ka namin binigo. Sana masaya kang pumanaw sa mundong ito, na alam mong maka-kayanan na namin mabuhay ng wala ka. Na sana, alam mong mahal na mahal ka naming lahat.
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Getting crazy over KD’s
What makes it selling like pancakes?
Since I have been hooked up with the Kd’s that my sister and cousins got me started…… hindi na kao nakaka tulog na tama! Ang gabi ko ay nagi-ging araw at ang araw ko naman ay parang lumilipas sa loob ng sinehan. Walang katapusang roll ng camera films… although in this case more on sunod-sunod na episodes ng mga K-drama.
I’m loving and enjoying Rom-Coms.
It reminds high school crushes, kilig factors and story ng friendships and the struggles in establishing a relationship.
Siyempre, fantasy is working overtime lalo na kapag rich man- working class girl ang theme. And of course, plus++ factors din ang super Bod and overdose sa ka- pogi ng mga Oppas.
Kayo? Are you into it as well?
Try these: Goblin, Tomorrow with you, The Legend of the Blue Sea, The Heirs, Healer – for starters.
Tapos get back to me when you are already up to the point where you really, really want to meet these actors in person na cause you feel like you are so much into them na…. as in Oppppa!!!!
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Enero 2017
Punong-puno ng bagong pag asa at bagong mga pangarap. Kasama ang buong pamilya na nandito sa Europa sa isang salo-salo na puno ng saya.
Ang bagong simula – para itong isang puting papel na wala ni isang guhit na naka sulat o isa mang tuldok na nag lalagay ng dungis sa malinis na simula.
Madami akong naiisip na gusto kong isulat sa papel na ito, pero hindi ko alam kung saan ako mag si simula. Tulad ng pag-asa na dumating kasama ang bagong taon, may dala din itong mga pag aalin langan at kaba kung ano man ang naka tadahanang mangyari sa buhay ko nitong taon 2017.
Mahinahon ko pong tinahak ang pag lapat ng aking mga paa sa mga unang sandali ng 2017… magka halong galak, pangamba at buong pusong umaasa na magiging mas maka buluhan ang buong 2017.